Super-Funny Pick-Up Lines

PICK UP LINES!
(1) I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

(2) Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.

(3) I hope you have a library card because I'm checking you out.

(4) Your tag says Made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in Heaven.

(5) Hey lady, those are some nice clothes, can I talk you out of them?

(6) How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

(7) Is your dad a terrorist? Cause baby your da bomb!

(8) My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

(9) Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.

(10) Want to play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay
back while You blow the hell out of me.

(11) If you were a burger at McDonald's, I'd call you McBeautiful.

(12) Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past you again?

Homeland Security Spoof! - Part 4

	Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the 'underground' rave in the shelter.
	In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item.
	In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or poultry, please.
	There is a reason you failed chemistry.
	Watch out for people who come out of white tents and try to steal the shirt off your back.
	If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.
	Radioactive materials come in 4 convenient sizes: - individual dose - family value size - neighborhood spray pump size - supersize!
	Satellite photos of Texas show the large embarrassing radioactive crop circle in Southeast Texas.
	When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort.

Homeland Security Spoof! - Part 3

	No pyromaniacs admitted.
	A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious memories for years to come.
	That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don't go there.
	The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork.
	If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that.
	If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show.
	If the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the grass.
	After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. Think about it.
	Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for a phone with no numbers on it.
	"Wash your hands" of traditional long distance telephone providers.