Ways To Tell Somebody is Stoopid !!!!

If she moved any slower, she'd rust.
If she was any dumber, she'd be a green plant.
If stupidity hurt, he'd go through life on a morphine drip.
If stupidity were a crime, he'd be number one on the Most Wanted list.
If the government ever declared war on stupidity, he'd get nuked.
If there were a merciful God he'd be dead by now.
If they each had half a brain, they'd still only have half a brain.
If they knock heads, implosion will suck all the air out of the room.
If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
If you called him a wit, you'd be half right.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
Ignorant, and proud of it.
Immune from any serious head injury.

Perfect face for Halloween.
Too dumb to be bothered when publicly displaying her ignorance.
Too dumb to know when you're getting smart/playing dumb with him.
Too many bad drugs, not enough good drugs.
Too many birds on her antenna.
Too many jokers and not enough aces in his deck.
Too many stop bits in his transmissions.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Too pointless to even be called a pinhead.
Too slow to catch a cold.
Too tall for his blood supply.
Took a spacewalk in the asteroid belt without his helmet.
Top paddock is full of rocks.
Tough as toenails after a hot bath.
Toys in the attic.
Train of thought derailed/still boarding at the station/has no caboose.
Traveling faster than light, but left his sneakers behind.
Traveling without a passport/towel.
Tried to reinvent the wheel but ended up with a flat tire.
Tried welding two 2x4s together and burned down his house.
Trips over cordless phones.

Ways To Insult A Person !!!

You are a day late and a dollar short.
Any friend of yours -- is a friend of yours.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
One more wrinkle and you'd pass for a prune.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.
You are so dull, you can't even cut a fart.

You are so dumb, you stand on a chair to raise your IQ.
You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.
You are very smart. You have brains you never used.
You got more issues than National Geographic!
You must have a very large brain, to hold so much ignorance.
You are a black-and-white mind working on a color-coded problem.
You are a couple of slates short of a full roof.
You are a couplet short of a sonnet.
You are a cup and saucer short of a place setting.
You are a deadbolt with a broken cylinder.
You are a few beads short in her rosary.
You are a half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
A mud pack is good for the complexion. I suggest you leave it on.
A rejection letter from MENSA wouldn't be to much of a surprise for you now, would it?
A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
After hearing you talk, I now know that the dead do contact us.
All day I thought of you...I was at the zoo.
All of your ancestors must number in the millions; it's hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?

Kool "Yo Mamma " Jokes !!!

Yo momma's so dumb when the computer said Press any key to continue she couldn't find the Any key
Yo momma's so dumb when you she got pregnant she asked the doctor are you sure its mine?
Yo momma's so dumb when you were born she looked at your umbilical cord and said Wow it comes with cable too
Yo momma's so dumb you can make her eyes twinkle by shining light in her ears
Yo momma's so old her birth certificate is expired
Yo momma's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter
Yo momma's so old her memory is in black and white
Yo momma's so old her social security card is in roman numerals
Yo momma's so old her social security number is 1
Yo momma's so old her breasts squirt out powderd milk
Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything
Yo momma's so old I looked in her year book and saw jesus
Yo momma's so old i told her to act her age and she died
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer
Yo momma's so old it looks like the Wrinkle Fairy tap danced on her face
Yo momma's so old I've seen stale rasins with less wrinkles
Yo momma's so old Jurassic Park brought back memories
Yo momma's so old one of her pets was on on Noahs Ark
Yo momma's so old she babysat for Jesus
Yo momma's so old she called the cops when David and Goliath started to fight
Yo momma's so old she co-wrote one of the Ten Commandments
Yo momma's So old she dated moses
Yo momma's so old she got hieroglyphics on her Driver license
Yo momma's so old she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments
Yo momma's so old she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook
Yo momma's so old she has all the apostles in her black book
Yo momma's so old she has an autographed bible
Yo momma's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince
Yo momma's so old she knew Captain Crunch while he was still a private
Yo momma's so old she knew Mr Clean when he had an afro
Yo momma's so old she left her purse on noahs ark
Yo momma's so old she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers
Yo momma's so old she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp
Yo momma's so old she owes Moses a quarter
Yo momma's so old she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch
Yo momma's so old she remembers what life was like before the ice age
Yo momma's so old she took her drivers test on a dinosaur
Yo momma's so old she uses her hot flashes to heat her cup of Tea
Yo momma's so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her
Yo momma's so old she went to an antiques auction and three people bid on her
Yo momma's so old she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible
Yo momma's so old that in the back seat of your car kids don't say Are we there yet they scream Is she Dead yet
Yo momma's so old that she had Jesus tattoo the ten commandments on her back
Yo momma's so old she was a waitress at the last supper
Yo momma's So old she went blind from the big bang
Yo momma's so old she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party
Yo momma's so old she drove a chariot to high school
Yo momma's so old that when God said let the be light she hit the switch
Yo momma's so old that when she was in school there was no history class
Yo momma's so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake
Yo momma's so old the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
Yo momma's so old they ask to check her bags and she's not carrying any luggage
Yo momma's so old vultures constantly circle her house
Yo momma's so old when Moses parted the Red Sea he found her fishing on the other side
Yo momma's so old when she gave birth, you came out with Dentures
Yo momma's so old when she ran the 100 meter dash they timed her with a sundial
Yo momma's so old when she reads the bible she reminisces
Yo momma's so old when she was a kid there was no old spice it was called baby spice
Yo momma's so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick
Yo momma's so old when she was young rainbows were black and white